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Thursday, July 29, 2010 | |
 Take Two Aspirins and Call Yo Mama in the Morning "An apple a day keeps the Doctor away" says an old adage, but a recent study at Brigham Young University discovered the "phone a friend" option is good for your health as well as being helpful on game shows. Researchers discovered that people with strong social relationships are 50% less likely to die early than people without strong social relationships. According to researchers, having no strong ties with friends or family is the equivalent to being an alcoholic, was more harmful than not exercising, was twice as deadly as obesity, and had the same effect on health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Researchers concluded that the government should "look at ways to help people maintain social relationships as a way of keeping the population healthy". I have an idea! How about: Out goes Obamacare and in comes the much more affordable "Yo Mama Care"! Consider these facts: Did you ever have a better friend than yo mama? Didn't yo mama always nurse you back to health when you were a kid, with a minimum of doctor visits? Wouldn't you be healthier today if you hadn't gone ahead and done all those things yo mama told you not to do? Welcome to "Yo Mama Care"! If yo mama is no longer around, under Yo Mama Care a network of veteran mama's would be available 24 hours a day. By the time they have raised kids, they are familiar with bumps, bruises, fevers, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, toothaches and know what is serious enough to require escalation to the next level and what just takes time. Requirements to participate in Yo Mama Care would be minimal, but would include the following: 1. Sit up straight 2. Play nice 3. No sassing 4. Wear clean underwear (you know, in case of an accident). Another possible way to improve health and reduce medical costs might be by having friends perform simple medical screenings on each other. Example: “Fred, you got a chunk of ear wax the size of a walnut in your right ear! I’ll get that out in a minute, but right now I need you to turn your head and cough”. Maybe not. In any event, I do not recommend that women try to save money on medical costs by allowing casual acquaintances wearing t-shirts that say FREE BREAST EXAMS or I’M NOT A GYNECOLOGIST BUT I’LL HAVE A LOOK to perform any examinations. Even if they insist social relationships are good for your health based on the results of a recent study at BYU. email: aboomer@embarqmail.com -- (July 28, 2010) 
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